I have friends who claimed that they are good mothers. Nevertheless they said that I am a good wife first then a good mother.
Marriage or relationship is not my area of exprtise but since I have met a few people who asked for for my marital advise, maybe I should share about how to make ourselves a happy woman and build a healthy relationship with a man.
I am fairly traditional and femine, but I am also strong, stubborn, opiniated, sometimes a self-centered, perfectionist and want things done according to my own way. I don't have a secret formula or proven methods on how to make a man to love you. But I believe that respect is an important virtue a wife should have towards her husband. Woman has ego too and let's keep real, sometimes, respect is an odd concept if we come from a better sosio-economic background from our husband, or if we have a better educational background, make a higher income, smarter or more intelligent.
I don't know how to define respect but respect is shown in the way we talk and act which implies that he is an important person in our lives that we honour his dignities. If we want to be respectful to them, start with our thoughts and action. What works for one may not work for others but here are a few ideas to ponder:
1. I may sound sexist, but often when I talk to women, it is women who are upset with the marriage enterprise. Women of the 21st century have a very high and sometimes unrealistic expectations when it comes to living and dealing with men and it ends up making us feeling miserable and constantly complaining about our husband. To respect a man, we must understand that men and women think, act and react differently. They are forgetful, don't enjoy little details and sometimes have disgusting habits.
2. Accept that he is different form us. They don't share feelings. Men conqour and show they are protective towards women. Many times I found that men like to dominate and direct us to do something that we knowingly capable of doing. Sometimes I just bit my tongue and follow their orders without agruing.
3. We should shift gears from being a mother to be a wife when we are with our husband. A husband never feel respected if we treat him like a child or inferior.
4. Address him with endearment. Do not refer him as "laki aku", "orang tua tu", "mamat kat rumah tu" "dude" or any other disrespectful names.
5. Wait and greet your husband when he comes home from work. There were times during our marriage when my husband commutes long distance from work. He drove from Kemaman to KL weekly. Usually he started his journey after 7:00 pm. I called him every hour along his journey to keep him company and to ensure that he was not sleepy while driving. If I felt sleepy and wanted to go to bed, I would reminded him to wake me up, no matter what time he arrived home. The same thing if he needed to go to work at the wee hours. I used to wake-up at 3, 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning and prepare some drinks or light meal. I always thanked him for working and providing comfortable living for us.
6.Men need us to respect his judgement and not always question his knowledge or argue with his decisions. It's a touchy thing in these liberated days.
7. Some wife can be abusive by critisizing, belittle or undermine or compare her husband with his peers in public. This narcisstic attitude must be corrected immediately. If ever you thought that his friend is better than him, bite your tongue, keep quiet and say "Astaghfirullah".
8. Alway say "thank you" when he does something or even for going to work. Wise women are appreciative of all things; big or small.
9. When he is busy with his work, friends or sports channel, improve yourself and develop your own interests. Get involve with worthwhile activites, reading, writing, gardening, cooking, sewing, socializing.
10. Know your body and what satisfies you during intimacy. Make noise or signals when you reach the point of pleasure. Compliment him for being a great bedtime partner. I am too demure to elaborate on this matter😉
11. If you need anything from him or you need him to do a task for you, never direct, don't even ask. Instead, use your telent as a women to cajole, coax, lure, seduce, woo or entice to get what you want. Use voices and tone you do not dare use on other men. Than says "thank you"😘
12. Find ways to make life not so routine. Pamper him by cutting his nails, shave or massage body parts that even his mother does not dare to touch. It is too explicit and inappropriate to discuss. LOL😶
Having said all the above, my marriage itself is not all the time a bed of roses. Marriage does not solve all problems, instead, it sometimes create more problems. His problems became ours. It involves dealing with small and big problems, conflicts, coping with trouble, accepting the other person with all his peculiarities and weakness. However, if smartly nurtured and manouvered, a strong relationship ia a good foundation for a habitable and pleasant home.
8. Alway say "thank you" when he does something or even for going to work. Wise women are appreciative of all things; big or small.
9. When he is busy with his work, friends or sports channel, improve yourself and develop your own interests. Get involve with worthwhile activites, reading, writing, gardening, cooking, sewing, socializing.
10. Know your body and what satisfies you during intimacy. Make noise or signals when you reach the point of pleasure. Compliment him for being a great bedtime partner. I am too demure to elaborate on this matter😉
11. If you need anything from him or you need him to do a task for you, never direct, don't even ask. Instead, use your telent as a women to cajole, coax, lure, seduce, woo or entice to get what you want. Use voices and tone you do not dare use on other men. Than says "thank you"😘
12. Find ways to make life not so routine. Pamper him by cutting his nails, shave or massage body parts that even his mother does not dare to touch. It is too explicit and inappropriate to discuss. LOL😶
Having said all the above, my marriage itself is not all the time a bed of roses. Marriage does not solve all problems, instead, it sometimes create more problems. His problems became ours. It involves dealing with small and big problems, conflicts, coping with trouble, accepting the other person with all his peculiarities and weakness. However, if smartly nurtured and manouvered, a strong relationship ia a good foundation for a habitable and pleasant home.
